Young and In Love

I've been thinking a lot lately about the phrase 'young and in love.'

Honestly, it's something I've heard a lot lately, with our 4th child in as many years on her way... Nevertheless, I find myself thinking about the flip side of it. Will there come a time when we aren't so young and perhaps not so in love????? What a terrifying thought. I can't imagine ever feeling less for him, or wanting less from our relationship.

But what about the older people in my life. Out of all my friends, aunts and uncles, grandmas and grandpas, parents, and everyone I can only think of ONE couple...JUST ONE... that shows affection in public. Now that's not to say the others don't behind closed doors, but I'm kind of blown away by the fact that only one seems ok with showing thier love. Perhaps it has something to do with their age.

Maybe PDA wasn't acceptable as they were growing up, so they have continued to contain themselves as they have aged?? Then does this cause their kids to not show affection?

The sociology of it is fascinating to me...

The truth is, though we are still pretty young, our relationship has reached it's teen years... and if there is any difference in us, it's that I want more of him. Don't get me wrong, we fight our fair share, but we are pretty quick to make up. And over these years together, those nuances have become a part of us. He knows that I get pouty if I don't get a kiss hello, and I know that just a hand on his back helps him fall asleep quicker. I like that he doesn't think I'm crazy when I want a peck at a stoplight... though after a recent stoplight, Scarlett announced that "that's enough kissing for today." But really, I'd rather her say that than 'that's enough fighting'.

And maybe that's just it. Maybe we aren't 'young and in love' maybe we're just lovers, not fighters. Haha! Who knows... whatever it is works for us.

So I guess, no matter how young or old I may be I am sure that;
I will always want to hold his hand
I will always welcome his touch
I will never turn away from a kiss
I will always be 'young and in love'

196 days

I'm going to admit something I'm terribly embarrassed about... My first mile time was 15:56.
I know, it's not the worst I could've done and it's under the 16 minute mile requirement to finish in time, but it's also no where near where I would to be.
That leaves me with this... 196 days until the Diseyland Half Marathon.
196 days
It just doesn't seem like long enough. AAAHHHHH!
When I am done and I get my finishing medal, I'll look back on this post with pride and amazement.
I'll remember that I dragged my rear from a 15:56 mile to a great number that I can be proud of.
And hopefully I'll be able to report on the several pounds I've lost along the way. BUT the best thing of all? I'll be able to say I completed 13.1 miles.
13.1!!
What an accomplishement that will be.

L-O-V-E

Me: I love you, Scarlett
Scarlett: I love you too
Me: I love you more
Scarlett: I love you most
Me: I love you infinity
Scarlett: I love you DINOSAUR!

And I'm stumped.
HAHA!
4 is a pretty awesome age.

Our First Night Home

Yeah, it's a couple days late, but it's one of those moments I don't want to forget years from now...
Livi was in bed and Scarlett had followed her dad and I to bed, wanting to watch her new little sister. When Vada started crying, Scarlett got concerned.
"Why is she crying??"
"Sister is hungry, we have to feed her."
"Oh! Daddy, can you get sister some cereals?"
Adam then explained that Vada is too small to eat cereal. Something on TV caught Scarlett's attention while I started nursing Vada. When she finally turned around to check on her sister, Scarlett asked to hold her.
"Mommy is feeding her right now, but when she is done eating, you can." I told her.
Scarlett leaned in really close to see around her sister's head, then looked at me with wide eyes and whispered...
"I don't think she wants to eat that!"

It was one of those sweet, honest moments. The look of horror on her face was priceless. Now she understands that sister eats milk from mommy (and mommy is the only one that makes it...no, daddy and her cannot feed sister! haha!) Boy, out of the mouths of babes, right?

Vada Daphne

It came totally unexpected.
I had gone out on Saturday night with my cousin. She was worried about how I was feeling and I will never forget what I said...
I'm fine, unfortunately. I should just relax, it won't be until at least Monday now
My exact words. See I thought she'd have an all odd birthday, like her sisters have all evens...2/6/08 and 4/8/10. I figured, this girl is just going to be completely different.
I got home at 10:30, and laid in bed watching TV. It wasn't until 12:30 when I started having contractions. At the time, I thought they were Braxton Hicks...I'd had many nights like that before and had no reason to believe this was any different. I finally turned off the TV at 2 to try and get some sleep...contractions still there, but not painful at all.
4 am rolled around, and I woke up in extreme pain.
I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes, lasting a minute, but I was in denial. I didn't want to wake Adam in case it was a false alarm, so instead I ran a bath. After about 10 minutes, I called him into the bathroom. By this point, I was crying through every contraction and he suggested I call L&D. The nurse I spoke with suggested I wait until they got worse because I couldn't feel it through my whole stomach, just the lower half... I only made it 20 minutes... Adam called back to let them know we would be on our way.
We got our stuff together, my mom and sis came over to watch the older girls and by the time we were on our way to the hospital, it was 5 am.
Gosh, I'm so embarrassed by this that I'm tempted to leave it out, but I'm positive Adam will never let me forget it... I screamed nearly the whole way to the hospital... I yelled at him, the freeway, the universe and everything I could think to yell at and then just screamed out in pain. I was the typical mom in labor you see in the movies... it was awful. I never imagined myself to be like that, but I swear something entirely different takes over inside you when dealing with pain.
The ER staff was not very understanding. I made the mistake of saying something about pressure and before I could say another word, they were shoving me into one of their little rooms. I argued with nurses for a while, asking them to just take me to L&D and they refused to let me leave until they could check and make sure I wasn't ready to push her out already. I finally laid on their bed and a male nurse came over to check my cervix. He was not nice, and he was not gentle. He told everyone that he could feel my amniotic sac, but not my cervix...just send her upstairs... Thank goodness!
By the time I got up and settled in at L&D it was 6 am and I was still obnoxious during every contraction. I can't even recall how many times I apologized to the L&D nurses.
They noticed I was scheduled for a version the following day and flew into high gear. One nurse checked me (I was at 7 cm) and the other went to get the doc to do an ultrasound to confirm position.
It was right about here that I finally realized I was in labor.
I know it sounds silly to have gone through all of that and still be in denial, but everything seemed to move so quick that I didn't really absorb what was going on all around me.
I asked for medicine. Another thing I hate to admit.
I always wanted to believe I could do it naturally. I wanted to think I took the Epi with Scarlett because of a weak moment. Definitely not. I begged. I yelled. I told them they better not wait until I can't have meds to get things moving because I couldn't do it naturally. I swore I was dying...and I very honestly don't remember it hurting so bad. The nurses assured me they would get pain medicine as soon as they could.
The doc rolled in the the ultrasound machine and she was breech. I had that feeling and was preparing myself to hear the words, but I wasn't as upset as I expected to be. I mean, it wasn't my ideal by any means, but it didn't crush my spirit. I knew that I had done everything in my power. I had prayed and hoped, stood on my head, saw the chiro, tried every technique known to help...she just had her own plan...
They gave me meds to stop contractions and ease my pain and prepped me for a c-section. I get really bad anxiety attacks when it comes to medical procedures. I had several of these attacks over the next 30 minutes while prepping to have my baby. All the nurses were so wonderful and understanding and gentle. I'm thankful for that. With my last baby, I felt rushed. I felt like no one wanted to talk with me, they were just concerned with getting the job done. This time, they slowed down when I asked and the nurse sat and talked with me and the doc even talked me through an anxiety attack. She held my hand and ever so gently reminded me that my beautiful baby would be here soon. I don't think I can speak enough good about them. They definitely made my experience easier.
They started surgery and of course, it seemed to take forever. Haha! Isn't it always like that when you're excited??
Adam got to watch them take her out. It was kind of neat to watch him watching them. Then they showed her to me and moved the curtain so I could watch them clean her and measure her.
It wasn't my perfect birth, but it was perfect for what it was. And in the end, all that matters is her. My sweet little Vada is finally here. My sweet little babe who didn't have a middle name until I was walking out the hospital room door! LOL! Adam and I couldn't agree, so I told him I was going to leave it blank and change it later. I wrote it down on our way out of the room and didn't tell him until I had turned in the form. Thank goodness he loves it as much as I do!!

Scarlett's story

I can't recall if I've written it before...seems to me I haven't. Either way, it's been on my mind a lot lately.
Her whole pregnancy was a roller coaster ride, I suppose I shouldn't have expected any different for the labor and delivery...
I had preterm labor on two different occasions. After being told the whole time that she would likely be very premature, due to my 'special' uterus, I was very surprised to be entering my 40th week of pregnancy. Still, I was content.
I had a doc appointment at 10 am, so I went to work to tie up some loose ends...just in case...
At the appointment, the doc was really concerned about my blood pressure. I can't recall what the numbers were, but it was enough for the doc to send me for monitoring at the hospital. It was on the way there that the contractions started.
Got to the hospital at 11 am and I was 4 cm dilated. 2 more hours and I made it to 5. The doc, still concerned about my blood pressure, wanted to give me meds to speed along the labor. I declined meds, but allowed her to break my water...big mistake. I had no clue how much the pain would intensify after that.
At 5 pm, I finally made it to 7 cm. I used the labor ball to help with pain and sat there comfortably for a couple more hours. It wasn't until I decided to try a warm bath that I started to feel a lot of pressure. I got excited thinking I was near the end...nope...no progress. At 9 pm, I was still at 7 and I started bawling.
I lost all confidence in myself. I panicked because I felt like there was no way I could go another minute with that pain and no progress.
I got an epidural.
It was never my plan and I feel guilty about it now, but in that moment, it was probably the right decision. At 10 pm, I was resting comfortably, waiting for my labor to progress.
At 6 am, the nurse came to check me and I was at 'a stretchy 9 cm'. She suggested I push to see if we could get to a 10... big mistake #2... but I started pushing just after 6. It was a good 4 hours of pushing without progress and I was SO tired. By the time she actually started to come out, I wasn't sure I could finish pushing. The doctor tried to be encouraging, telling me to push so I could see all the hair she has (she was born nearly bald...peach fuzz is all she had...such a lie) and telling me I was doing a great job.
It wasn't until the last few pushes where things started to get crazy.
I finally pushed her head out and the doc saw the cord around her neck twice. It was never indicated on the fetal monitor. The doc cut the cord and told me to push harder because she needed to be out immediately. Then the flood of docs and nurses came in the room. I tried pushing, but she wasn't budging.
Shoulder Dystocia.
My sweet little babe was stuck, without the cord giving her oxygen.
Panic filled the room. And it all became a blur to me.
I don't even know how long it took, but the doc eventually wiggled her out.
Scarlett was born at 10:53 am.
She was blue and limp and that was all I got to see. She was rushed to the opposite side of the room where there were docs and nurses waiting to work on her.
The only thing I remember is asking repeatedly 'why isn't she crying?' and no one giving me an answer. Minutes passed...seemed like longer. When she finally took her first breath and started wailing, I was at peace.
For the doc, panic continued.
My placenta was stuck. Apparently the whole time I was concerned about my baby, she was trying to help me deliver the placenta. I was bleeding a lot. So much so that she had to take immediate action. I will never ever forget the look on my doctor's face or her tone of voice when she said
"I'm so sorry to have to do this, but I have to stop this bleeding"
The only time I screamed or really made more than a moan during my whole labor (all 24 hours of it) was when she tore my placenta away from my uterus. On the scale of pain I've had in my life, here's how it goes... Kidney stones, this placenta thing, then labor/birth.
I don't remember much after that. I'm told I went pale and started to go in and out of consciousness. They let my waiting family in the room to see the baby and then asked everyone to leave. At some point, I remember a nurse waking me to breastfeed. Honestly though, until about 5 pm that night, I was completely out of it. I ended up needing 2 blood transfusions.
In a word, the day was traumatic.
Between the troubles with the baby (her first apgar was 3) and the troubles I had, I never in my life imagined that kind of birth. Maybe that is why I am longing so badly for a natural, uneventful, "normal" birth. I don't remember much of Scarlett's first day, let along her first few minutes alive. I watched this show called One Born Every Minute and in one of the episodes, there was a birth that was just like mine. I cried. It was incredible to see it from an outside perspective. SO terrifying. (http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/one-born-every-minute/episodes/season-1/episode-2)
We both recovered quickly though. I know things could've easily been different. I'm thankful for my spunky little 3 yr old, even if we did have a rough start. LOL!

Consumed

That's the best way I can put it...
CONSUMED
I feel like right now every moment that I'm not busy with Scar and Liv, or work, or some other little task is instead enveloped in thoughts of Vada.
Another stubborn little girl.
Another baby that just won't turn the right way.
I've tried (and continue to try daily) every possible thing to get her to turn her tush around. It's so frustrating to have no luck with it.
-Cesarean-
Ugh. It pains me just to type the word, let alone speak it. That is what I have to look forward to if she doesn't move. Not the worst thing in the world, I know. Plenty of people do it, but is it so terrible that I want to have a natural birth? I want to have that slippery, goopy little baby delivered onto my chest and have those first few moments of her life right next to me.
It's usually right here in my thoughts that my tears start flowing.
I have been trying to stay positive, but each day that passes and I still have a breech baby makes it just a little bit harder. If I have to have a c-section again, I will never have that chance for the natural birth so desire. Our hospital doesn't allow VBAC after 2 cesareans.
To add insult to injury, my silly sister-in-law wants to complain to me...me of all people she could talk to... about how bad her episiotomy still hurts. Bleh. I'd love the chance to have an episiotmy to heal from.
Yes, I know that many women would love the chance for a c-section. And I know that this could be construed many different ways. And I definitely know that I should be very grateful that I'm even lucky enough to have a baby.
But just for this moment, I want to complain. I want to shout from the roofs about how unfair it is. I want to feel that sorry for myself.
Because after I get all of this out, I will rise again.
I will remember to be grateful. I will hold my head high and know that I've done all I can. I will lay it in His hands and He will take care of V and me. I will be stronger for my struggles.
More than all of that... I will be a mother again.
I will hold my tiny little babe and nothing else in this world will matter.

Now I can take a deep breath because I feel better already.

Pray

Oh blog... I always remember to come in my biggest time of need. I should be making regular deposits here and not letting it all build up inside of me. I sure have a lot on my mind these days...

I'm kind of in a pickle lately. On top of moving and getting all things for that ready, I find myself struggling to prove myself to people...or rather a certain person. It's silly. The people that see it, already know and the people who don't know, just don't seem to care.

I guess it goes back to my previous post. All I really want is to be loved, approved of and appreciated... It's going to be hard to let that one go, but it is so very important for me right now.

So I guess I need to ask for prayers. Please pray for me to find my way and to learn to give things to God. Please pray that I find the ability to just let go sometimes...and know the difference between the things I should let go and the ones that I should hold on to for dear life.

Amazing how a little bit of writing can change my day. I feel lighter already.

First Love

So little to say
So much time
Despite my empty mouth
The words are in my mind
-Adele, First Love

I bite my tongue...a lot. I hate to make waves, make people feel uncomfortable or awkward, or worse, causing hurt feelings. The truth of the matter is that it often hurts me to keep my mouth shut. I am the one who ends up suffering because I didn't stand up for myself, or clarify my stance or feelings.

In the recent months, I've found myself wanting to speak up more...and today, I find it incredibly hard to keep myself from making a bad situation worse by saying my peace on it. In my heart, I know it will only make things worse. Having a big blow up right now won't do anyone any good...on the other hand, I have so much I want to say. I guess I'm hoping by writing some of this out, I can let it go. A friend suggested I give it up to god... maybe this is my way of doing that... I'm not really sure. I just know that right now I need to be free of it. I don't need the stress, the anxiety or the heartache. So I will pull into my cocoon and start healing...but beware of the day that the final straw breaks the camel's back ;)

Love, Lust and Faking It

God spare me from the desire for love, approval or appreciation. Amen
-Byron Katie --from Jenny McCarthy's book:: Love, Lust and Faking It

This quote is something I haven't been able to get off my mind since I read it... the funny thing is that I started this post in November. I just can't seem to put into words how this makes me feel. I know it's has struck a chord deep in my mind. I ponder it nearly every day.

I think when it comes right down to it, I want to be spared.

It is my desire for love, approval and appreciation that cause most of my heartache. I'm too sensitive... Especially to how others percieve me.

On the other hand, is that what drives us? Love, approval and/or appreciation. Do we become better people as a result of desiring those things from others?

I chip away at it every day. My understanding of myself and my needs from others is continually evolving. I admit that I'm still finding my way to God and I know the closer I get there, the easier the rest will get. It's all just a part of my journey.

Gone

I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains, you're
Gone
-N'Sync

I have a heavy heart today. I guess you could call it an un-birthday of sorts... Today is the day that my little angel baby would've been a year old.

As my friends had said when it first happened, time has helped me heal, but not forget. And I'm sure a million years could pass and I will still remember this day, as well the other milestones of my pregnancy.

A good friend of mine was due the same week. At the time, I hated it. Every time I saw her just reminded me of where I should have been in my pregnancy. I saw the milestones I never reached in my pregnancy.

But now, I find myself thankful.

I was blessed with another baby. A beautiful, jubilant little butterball. You can't help but smile when you look at her...her smile is so infectious. And she lets me squish and hug and cuddle her until she can't breathe. And my little girls...the little sisters... are an amazing gift I was given. Something I would never change.

AND

I get to watch my friend's baby grow. I get to remember my angel when I see her little girl. And when she celebrates her first birthday on Wednesday, I will be there. I will hold her and squeeze her like she was my own...because she will always have a special place in my heart. She will always be my sweet reminder that I did have another baby... My body did hold another little life... My life was changed.

And instead of the anger and pain I once had, I find peace, and love and hope. God had another plan for me...



It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Aquarius

Born of a sign that carries water
But in a month that brings just ice
I'm not a skillful water carrier
But I've learned to carry love
learned to carry love
-Regina Spektor

Scarlett had a sensitive morning today. I mentioned it to her teacher at daycare and she said "oh, she's aquarius right? it's all good". Kind of made me giggle... My little 'water' baby. I guess I can see that...her emotions are so fluid... here's what astrology had to say about her :: An Aquarian child will often be totally unpredictable and come up with with lots of ideas; she will also be sensitive and intuitive :: and that she is.


Suprisingly, both of my girls are true to thier 'signs'...mommy, too::

The Virgo in a nutshell-
Virgo exists in the mind, everything is inside. To the world, Virgo presents a calm and collected exterior but on the inside, nervous uncontrolled intensity in the mind, trying to figure things out, how to improve everything, analyzing and thinking. Virgo can tire itself out without even moving! Virgo has a constant drive to improve and perfect, this can lead to extreme pickiness and finickiest. They are pure, their motives are honest never malicious and they want to accomplish something.

It kind of makes me wonder what I could learn about my friends and family if I knew more about thier signs. I can see how I could become a better friend and shoulder to lean on if I understood their thought processes.

I mean, I can't help but question it all, but is sure is interesting, right?

Innocent

I guess you really did it this time
Left yourself in your warpath
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind tryin’ to get it back

Wasn’t it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn’t it beautiful when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you?

It’s all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not what you’ve been
You’re still an innocent
You’re still an innocent

Did some things you can’t speak of
But tonight you’ll live it all again
You wouldn’t be shattered on the floor now
If only you had seen what you know now then

Wasn’t it easier in your firefly-catchin’ days?
And everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you
Wasn’t it beautiful runnin’ wild ’til you fell asleep?
Before the monsters caught up to you?

It’s all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not what you’ve been
You’re still an innocent

It’s okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin’ up now
Who you are is not what you did
You’re still an innocent

Time turns flames to embers
You’ll have new Septembers
Every one of us has messed up too

Lives change like the weather
I hope you remember
Today is never to late to
Be brand new

It’s all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights are still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you’ve been
You’re still an innocent

It’s okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin’ up now
Who you are is not what you did
You’re still an innocent
You’re still an innocent

Lost your balance on a tightrope
It’s never too late to get it back

Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
-U2

My 'quarter-life crisis' continues... I find myself in a struggle to let myself just become who I am. I'm feeling a lot of resistance to change. Not only within myself, but with others, too.

It's not possible to please everyone.

I think I just need to go forward with the best intentions and put my faith in God that he will lead me in the right direction.

I need to realize that there are likely to be glitches, but they are not the end of the road, only minor setbacks.

I really need to remember my forgiveness post.

And I desperately need to surround myself with the love and support of my friends and family.

Something in the Air

There's something in the air tonight
Something electric the point where love ignites
The center of the heart
You never see it coming
There isn't a warning, no reason, not a sign
But you can feel it everywhere
There's something in the air
- Lila McCann

I am feeling invigorated.

I had a nice, relaxing weekend and a great chance to reconnect with my husband. I have been feeling a bit of distance between us lately and this weekend we began bridging that gap. We weren't fighting or anything, just not connecting. He works early, so has to go to sleep early and I've been up with the baby. The time we are home together is usually spent cooking, cleaning, or playing/taking care of the girls. It's easy to forget to tend to our relationship.

I am so in love with him.


I asked him yesterday if he knew 10 years ago that we would be where we are now. He said, "maybe not 2 kids yet, but I always knew I'd be with you". I love that. I will never understand how a 16 year old boy was so sure, but I'm thankful he was. And somehow he was right...10 years, a million problems, a house, 2 kids and he can still give me butterfiles. I'd say that's pretty special.

Forgiveness

Something I've been chewing on for the past few days...

I tried to make a list of things that I would find 'unforgiveable' and I didn't come up with much...

Here is the conclusion I did come to... If I'm going to forgive someone(s) for something that's happened, what is the point in being upset about it at all. It's not like my reaction is going to change what's already happened. All it does is cause me stress and heartache. I'm feeling like I should skip the anger, skip the frustration and simply forgive.

It sounds so simple, I don't know how I didn't come to this before...

I'll be putting this new plan into action today. I'll keep you posted on how it goes ;)

Tuesday Morning

Tuesday morning
In the dark
I was finding out who you are
-Michelle Branch

If there was ever a moment that I realized how wonderful my husband is, it was this... As Monday night turned into Tuesday morning, we laid in bed talking...

I'm glad we got to meet your friend.

Me too. Weren't they just beautiful?

Yeah...maybe 6 wouldn't be bad...

You really think?

I just want you to be happy

I love you

BUT if we get to 6, that's my absolute limit!

We'll know...when we find our number, we'll just *know*

As long as it's not more than 6.

I don't know if we will actually have 6 kids, but I don't think that matters. I love that he sees the beauty in it. I love that he is flexible enough to open his heart to more babies...and what I love MOST is that he loves ME that much.

The final number? Only time will tell... But I have to say, it's kind of fun not knowing.

Quarter Life Crisis

It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul
Either way,
I wonder sometimes about the outcome
-John Mayer, Why Georgia

So I've begun to realize there is a change happening within me. I think it's fun to know that I'm continually changing and growing.... And I'm really excited to see where it's taking me.

My Oh My

Times have changed and so have I
I once was young and starry-eyed
- The Wreckers

I was talking with my mom the other day, and was suprised by one of her questions...

"So, why do you feed Liv on demand and not on a schedule like you did with Scarlett?"

The funny thing about that question is that Liv is technically on the same scheudle that Scarlett was, but it was her own doing, not mine.

But in all honesty, I didn't know how to answer her question. I immediately felt defensive, like she was questioning my parenting. In fact, I'm sure she was because it was different than how she did it and infinitely different than how her mother did it. See, that's the funny thing about first children... I feel like it took me so long to find my footing after having Scarlett that I took other people's advice like it was gold and not just an opinion. I tried so hard to 'look' like a good mom in other people's eyes, because I didn't want them to see how difficult the transition was for me. I loved and hoped for people to tell me how I was "such a natural mother" and I like to think a little bit of that is true. There are definitely nurturing, maternal things that came quickly, but I didn't trust myself or my instincts. I was so scared of doing something wrong.

I'm sure of myself now. I know I'm a good mom. I don't need the constant reassurance and I don't need to know how everyone else used to do it or would if they had another baby. Of course, I welcome opinions and advice, but I know that's all it is...opinions and advice. Mother knows best, right? I'm the mother now :) I love that feeling. I love that I know what is right for my daughters and my family. It's so empowering. I'm sure I'll still make plenty of mistakes, but that's the beauty of it.

You're Sixteen

You're all ribbons and curls, ooh, what a girl
Eyes that sparkle and shine
You're sixteen, you're beautiful and you're mine
-Ringo Starr

My little peanut is 16 weeks old today. I know this song is meant for a 16 year old, but right now, 16 weeks seems so profound.

Where did the time go?

She got her first tooth in two days ago... Huge shock to me! Scarlett didn't get a tooth until she was 6 months, so 3.5 seemed far too early to even think about it. Somehow, I think this will be true to her form. I have this funny feeling Liv is going to be our child full of surprises. She's so quiet and alert. It sounds kind of funny to make assumptions about who your child will be when they're only 16 weeks, but I swear, thier personalities develop so quickly. I always knew Scarlett would be happy, silly, a big talker and wildy expressive... Olivia is already very different. My little Liv is quieter, speaking up only when she has something big to say, she is curious, but reserved and a wee bit more dependent than her big sister was. All in all, I'd call her a nice balance to Scarlett's outgoing, wild, silly nature.

It's so interesting to think about these things now. In two years, will I still feel this way? Will they be completely different? Or are these glimmers of characteristics a peek into the personalities my girls are going to develop in their adult lives? I could probably go on and on with this, so I'll stop myself here... I do think about it often though.

Livvy rolls over now, too. She's been working at it for a while, but couldn't quite get her tubby little self over. But that is another milestone she checked off this week.

Anyone know where I can get a 'pause', 'slow', and 'rewind' button? I feel like I need those right about now. I feel like each day slips into another too quickly. I don't have enough time to savor each moment, each new milestone before another comes.

For now, it's a happy 16 week birthday to my littlest and my oldest will be 2.5 years next week.