Gone

I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong
I drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains, you're
Gone
-N'Sync

I have a heavy heart today. I guess you could call it an un-birthday of sorts... Today is the day that my little angel baby would've been a year old.

As my friends had said when it first happened, time has helped me heal, but not forget. And I'm sure a million years could pass and I will still remember this day, as well the other milestones of my pregnancy.

A good friend of mine was due the same week. At the time, I hated it. Every time I saw her just reminded me of where I should have been in my pregnancy. I saw the milestones I never reached in my pregnancy.

But now, I find myself thankful.

I was blessed with another baby. A beautiful, jubilant little butterball. You can't help but smile when you look at her...her smile is so infectious. And she lets me squish and hug and cuddle her until she can't breathe. And my little girls...the little sisters... are an amazing gift I was given. Something I would never change.

AND

I get to watch my friend's baby grow. I get to remember my angel when I see her little girl. And when she celebrates her first birthday on Wednesday, I will be there. I will hold her and squeeze her like she was my own...because she will always have a special place in my heart. She will always be my sweet reminder that I did have another baby... My body did hold another little life... My life was changed.

And instead of the anger and pain I once had, I find peace, and love and hope. God had another plan for me...



It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good